Your browser is now tuned for maximum stupidity

Secret Life of Vienna Sausage

Typical suburban habitatThis special investigative report exposes recent underground activities of a covert Vienna Sausage society observed as they occurred, right out of the can.

Vienna Sausage are enjoyed by Austrians of all ages. These stubby potted meat treats have a consistency similar to Twinkies. In their natural state they are odorless, flavorless and chemically inert. They have many uses and make an excellent fuel additive.

Vienna Sausage are more than soggy little canned hot dogs, they also have a private side seldom witnessed by the general public. These sausage contribute greatly to their community. They perform domestic duties with the highest integrity. Vienna Sausage can be a big help in any household, especially in the kitchen.

Beyond household chores many Vienna Sausage are secretly employed and have varied careers. They hold positions ranging from computer technicians to trade show models thanks to their high level of practical innovation and sense of style.

In session with the Grateful DeadVienna Sausage are by far the most artistically apt of all the species of potted meat. Their talents range from vocal performances to vaudeville. Many classical composers were first inspired by Vienna Sausage's melodious instrumental renditions.

Their creative and artistic abilities do not come without a price. Even the lowly sausage can suffer from bouts of depression. Suicide rates are suprisingly high for these stout sausage.

Vienna sausage are quite spiritual in nature. They are deeply religious, with beliefs rooted in Christianity. Perhaps that is why Vienna Sausage are often referred to as "The Food of The Gods".

Special thanks to Steve Fry, Adam Scott and Fry Ranch

Sausage Links

  • What is Paoli Meat?
  • Bung Ring Expander
  • Meat Origami